Katy Milkman | How to Change Your Behavior

Most people attend networking events hoping something good happens. High-performers don’t hope — they engineer connection. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ and John share a 3-part framework for dominating networking events without faking extroversion or relying on luck. You’ll learn how to build relationships before the event even starts, create social capital in real-time, and make sure your connections actually turn into opportunities after the event. If you’re tired of leaving conferences with nothing but a stack of business cards, this is your blueprint for finally making networking work. What to Listen For [00:00:00] The problem with most networking: business cards, but no real relationships[00:01:00] Strategy 1: Host a private dinner before the event to create instant connections[00:03:00] How one client turned a simple dinner into the most talked-about moment of the conference[00:04:40] The science behind why pre-event exposure boosts trust (Mere Exposure Effect)[00:06:00] Strategy 2: How to become a super-connector — even if you’re introverted[00:07:48] How live introductions instantly raise your status and social capital[00:08:53] Strategy 3: Get hyper-specific about who you want to meet[00:10:00] Why vague networking goals lead to vague results[00:11:00] The follow-up system: 60-90 minutes that turn conversations into real opportunities[00:12:07] How the pre-event dinner creates a collaborative "team" approach to networking[00:14:09] Swing for the fences: how one client landed a keynote speaker at dinner[00:15:12] The magic of networking happens before and after—not during A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠. Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people think influence is about clever tactics or quick wins. But true, lasting influence is built on trust, emotional intelligence, and understanding how people really think. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Abbie Morano returns to reveal her 5-principle framework for ethical influence — combining biology, psychology, and social dynamics. Abbie breaks down why short-term manipulation backfires, how to guide conversations by giving others control, and why your own emotional regulation is the foundation for building real trust. If you want to increase your influence in high-stakes conversations, negotiations, or leadership, this is the playbook. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why ethical influence starts with regulating your own emotions[00:04:00] The difference between manipulation and pro-social engineering[00:07:17] Why short-term wins lead to long-term losses[00:10:00] Abbie’s 5 core principles for influence: bio-psycho-social framework[00:15:00] How triggering survival instincts blocks trust and cooperation[00:20:42] The danger of ultimatums—and how they backfire in negotiations[00:23:00] How “structured choices” increase compliance while preserving control[00:26:20] Why authenticity isn’t a tactic—it’s a long-term advantage[00:34:00] The power of “pantsing yourself” to defuse conflict and lower aggression[00:41:00] How self-identity shapes every influence conversation[00:52:47] How to prepare for high-stakes conversations using the full framework[01:00:12] Why emotional regulation is the first step toward true influence A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode Dr. Abbie Marono's website The Upper Hand Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You only get one shot at a first impression—and most of it happens before you even speak. In this episode, AJ and John break down the four science-backed factors that shape how people instantly judge your presence, confidence, and trustworthiness. Whether you’re walking into a job interview, a networking event, or a first date, you’ll get actionable strategies to control the room from the moment you walk in. From body language and clothing to the psychology of where you stand in a room, this episode reveals the subtle social cues that silently make or break your first impression. Stick around for the 5-minute upgrade challenge at the end to rewire your muscle memory and command attention effortlessly. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why high-stakes moments make us hyper-aware—and how to stay grounded[00:01:06] Why it can take 10 interactions to fix a bad first impression[00:02:00] The body language science that explains how people judge you in 6 seconds[00:03:00] Why your health, energy, and confidence are silently being evaluated[00:04:27] The “Glow Up” effect: how working out boosts your presence[00:05:00] How to use the “Doorway Drill” to reprogram your posture and vibe[00:07:00] The power of enclothed cognition: how clothes impact your mindset[00:08:57] How style and grooming signal status—without saying a word[00:09:21] Why standing in the shadows destroys your social proof[00:10:44] The 4-step “First Impression Challenge” to prime your body and mind[00:11:00] Visual cue trick to make confident posture automatic[00:12:21] How to walk into any room like you own it A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠Speak, Memorably: The Art of Captivating an Audience⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠ ⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you think good communication means saying more, think again. Emmy-winning journalist and executive coach Bill McGowan joins AJ and Johnny to reveal the science of saying less—but meaning more. From boardrooms to interviews, Bill has coached some of the world’s top leaders (and celebrities) to craft compelling, unforgettable messages—and today, he’s sharing the playbook. In this episode, you’ll learn how to ditch jargon, avoid rambling, and master your “media moment.” Whether you’re giving a presentation, going on a first date, or handling a tough question at work, this is your guide to sounding confident, concise, and charismatic under pressure. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why overexplaining hurts your credibility[00:03:45] The power of “soundbite thinking” and how to master it[00:07:12] How to speak with authority—without sounding rehearsed[00:10:26] Why strong visuals beat fancy vocabulary in storytelling[00:13:19] The secret to controlling your body language under pressure[00:15:54] Why silence is one of the most persuasive communication tools[00:20:46] The “message box” framework used by media pros[00:26:17] How to be memorable when you only have 30 seconds[00:35:21] Why “smooth talkers” often come across as insincere[00:45:07] How to prep for tough questions without sounding scripted[00:54:32] Final advice: the three words to avoid in every presentation Episode Takeaways Brevity is credibility: People trust speakers who get to the point “Soundbite” training prepares you to be remembered—not just heard Strategic silence creates impact and signals confidence Storytelling drives emotional engagement more than stats ever can The best communicators speak with rhythm, not speed Being memorable isn’t accidental—it’s trained A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at www.rula.com/charm Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. Resources from this Episode Speak, Memorably: The Art of Captivating an Audience Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people think confidence means knowing exactly what to say. But in reality, social confidence starts with knowing how to start—not how to be perfect. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down how to overcome the awkwardness of small talk, crush anxiety before it starts, and connect instantly in any room. You’ll learn the three best ways to open a conversation (even if you’re nervous), why the “question trap” makes you less likable, and how to train your brain to love social situations. Whether you're walking into a party, a networking event, or just standing in line at a coffee shop, this episode gives you the exact tools to go from anxious to magnetic. What to listen for 00:00:00] Why social confidence isn’t about charm—it’s about reps[00:01:32] The hidden reason small talk feels so hard[00:03:06] Three bulletproof openers that work in any situation[00:05:12] The “Q&A-S” method to keep a conversation flowing[00:06:48] Why your brain shuts down in social moments—and how to stop it[00:08:15] Reframing nerves as energy, not anxiety[00:09:43] The exposure ladder: how to train social confidence[00:11:03] One challenge to level up your next five conversations Episode takeaways Social confidence is a muscle—repetition builds ease The best openers are simple, contextual, and observational Avoid the “question trap”—use question, answer, statement instead Nervousness and excitement feel the same—your label creates your experience Your brain mirrors your inner dialogue—speak to yourself like you would a friend Use an “exposure ladder” to gradually rewire social fear into connection Magnetic people aren’t born—they’re built through consistent reps A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠Anna Goldfarb on Substack⁠ ⁠Anna Goldfarb on Instagram⁠ ⁠Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices