The Secret Language Of Emotions | Karla McLaren

When high-stakes emotions hit — anger, anxiety, fear — most people default to either freezing or reacting. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Dr. Ryan Fehr, a leadership professor at the University of Washington, shares tools that help Navy SEALs, Fortune 500 execs, and everyday professionals regulate emotions under pressure. Ryan and AJ discuss how to train your brain to respond—rather than react—in critical moments, build emotional range, and use discomfort as a performance advantage. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Why did I say that?”—this episode will show you how to stay in control when it matters most. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why emotional intelligence beats raw intellect under pressure[00:04:32] How to keep your cool during hard conversations[00:07:15] Why naming your emotions gives you back control (affect labeling)[00:11:28] The one mindset trick elite performers use to slow time during chaos[00:15:40] Why “emotional range” is more important than positivity[00:20:11] A Navy SEAL’s approach to mastering fear[00:24:57] How to recognize your “emotional dashboard” before you blow up[00:29:45] Why overconfidence is emotionally blinding — and how to fix it[00:36:01] How Ryan teaches emotional control to MBA students and CEOs[00:42:16] Emotional safety in leadership: what the research actually shows[00:47:20] A 10-second tool to stay grounded when you want to explode[00:51:55] What to do after an emotional failure — the self-compassion loop A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠⁠⁠Dr. Abbie Marono's website⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Upper Hand⁠⁠⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this short, tactical episode, AJ and Johnny deliver a science-backed masterclass on how to create presentations that audiences remember. Forget reading from your slides and dumping data. This episode outlines four proven strategies that top speakers use to captivate attention, boost retention, and make every talk land with clarity and impact. What to Listen For: [00:00] The brutal truth: people forget 90% of what they hear[00:58] Strategy #1: Control the 10% – what’s the one thing they should remember?[01:44] The science behind memory decay and how to structure around it[03:05] Strategy #2: Use the Memory Curve – why timing matters more than you think[04:12] Why you must “open with fire and close with clarity”[05:23] Strategy #3: Kill the Split-Attention Effect – how to avoid losing your audience to your slides[06:32] Minimal text, bold visuals, and Phil Jackson’s secret to motivating elite performers[07:58] Strategy #4: Prevent Cognitive Overload – why more data = less retention[09:04] The Rule of Three: a high-performer’s framework for simplifying complex ideas[10:12] Recap of the 4 strategies that separate forgettable from impactful[10:46] How top performers “wire it” – real-world drills inside the X-Factor Accelerator[11:15] What “persuasion triggers” are—and how they level up leaders in real time A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠⁠Dr. Abbie Marono's website⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Upper Hand⁠⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do some leaders command respect while others get ignored? In this episode of Social Intelligence, Stanford professor and venture capitalist Robert Siegel breaks down the overlooked behaviors that separate average performers from high-impact leaders. Drawing on decades of research and real-world business experience, Robert shares how humility, listening, and honest self-reflection are the key ingredients to long-term success. You’ll learn how to thrive in chaotic environments, shift from control to trust, and build loyalty in the people you lead — whether you’re running a startup, a classroom, or a family. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why Robert’s background in tech and venture capital revealed a pattern in great leaders[00:03:11] What leaders miss when they mistake charisma for competence[00:07:19] The value of slowing down and listening — even when you’re under pressure[00:10:32] Why being the smartest person in the room can make you ineffective[00:14:09] Lessons from Motorola: how “hero culture” undermined the team[00:18:23] The danger of over-optimizing for control instead of building trust[00:25:00] The “credibility bank account” and how it affects influence and decision-making[00:31:11] What CEOs often miss about emotional intelligence[00:38:30] The role of humility in hiring, managing, and growing a company[00:44:15] Why balancing empathy and execution is the mark of a real leader[00:51:20] The underrated superpower of asking good questions instead of giving answers[00:56:42] What Robert teaches his Stanford students about legacy and influence A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠Dr. Abbie Marono's website⁠ ⁠The Upper Hand⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people attend networking events hoping something good happens. High-performers don’t hope — they engineer connection. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ and John share a 3-part framework for dominating networking events without faking extroversion or relying on luck. You’ll learn how to build relationships before the event even starts, create social capital in real-time, and make sure your connections actually turn into opportunities after the event. If you’re tired of leaving conferences with nothing but a stack of business cards, this is your blueprint for finally making networking work. What to Listen For [00:00:00] The problem with most networking: business cards, but no real relationships[00:01:00] Strategy 1: Host a private dinner before the event to create instant connections[00:03:00] How one client turned a simple dinner into the most talked-about moment of the conference[00:04:40] The science behind why pre-event exposure boosts trust (Mere Exposure Effect)[00:06:00] Strategy 2: How to become a super-connector — even if you’re introverted[00:07:48] How live introductions instantly raise your status and social capital[00:08:53] Strategy 3: Get hyper-specific about who you want to meet[00:10:00] Why vague networking goals lead to vague results[00:11:00] The follow-up system: 60-90 minutes that turn conversations into real opportunities[00:12:07] How the pre-event dinner creates a collaborative "team" approach to networking[00:14:09] Swing for the fences: how one client landed a keynote speaker at dinner[00:15:12] The magic of networking happens before and after—not during A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠. Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people think influence is about clever tactics or quick wins. But true, lasting influence is built on trust, emotional intelligence, and understanding how people really think. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Abbie Morano returns to reveal her 5-principle framework for ethical influence — combining biology, psychology, and social dynamics. Abbie breaks down why short-term manipulation backfires, how to guide conversations by giving others control, and why your own emotional regulation is the foundation for building real trust. If you want to increase your influence in high-stakes conversations, negotiations, or leadership, this is the playbook. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why ethical influence starts with regulating your own emotions[00:04:00] The difference between manipulation and pro-social engineering[00:07:17] Why short-term wins lead to long-term losses[00:10:00] Abbie’s 5 core principles for influence: bio-psycho-social framework[00:15:00] How triggering survival instincts blocks trust and cooperation[00:20:42] The danger of ultimatums—and how they backfire in negotiations[00:23:00] How “structured choices” increase compliance while preserving control[00:26:20] Why authenticity isn’t a tactic—it’s a long-term advantage[00:34:00] The power of “pantsing yourself” to defuse conflict and lower aggression[00:41:00] How self-identity shapes every influence conversation[00:52:47] How to prepare for high-stakes conversations using the full framework[01:00:12] Why emotional regulation is the first step toward true influence A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode Dr. Abbie Marono's website The Upper Hand Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices