Are We Born This Way, Or Broken Into It? Labels, Trauma & Destiny Unpacked

Welcome to the Aftershow of Not So Christian Brothers, released every Saturday. This week, Rebecca, Justin, and Beatrice continue the conversation about loss, legacy, and the powerful traditions that make Irish funerals so unique. After honoring Anne in Thursday’s main episode, the Aftershow dives deeper into the “four objects” tradition, exploring how everyday items — a blanket, a dog lead, a football boot, or even a coffee cup — can capture a person’s life in ways words sometimes cannot Ep 9 aftershow .From showbiz glamour to meditation pillows, Bill Clinton’s listening trick to why Irish wakes were once the best place to meet a partner, this Aftershow balances raw honesty, humor, and reflection. Nobody does funerals like the Irish — and nobody leaves without a laugh. 🙏 Remembering Anne, with love to Colm, Alex, and Holly. The Aftershow drops every Saturday. Subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Don’t miss Thursday’s main episodes + Saturday’s Aftershow. ⏱️ Timestamps00:00 – Welcome to the Aftershow 01:00 – What objects represent Rebecca? Watch, makeup bag & showbiz chaos 05:00 – The Irish wake tradition: community, gambling, and meeting partners 08:00 – What objects represent Beatrice & Justin? Shoes, meditation pillows & coffee cups 14:00 – How people remember us: warmth, hugs & how you make others feel 16:00 – Bill Clinton’s listening trick at the Ritz & lessons in presence 18:30 – Monica Lewinsky’s reinvention & resilience 19:00 – Closing: remembering Anne & looking ahead to Colm’s return Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s episode opens on a heartfelt note. Sadly, Colm’s wife Anne passed away last week after a long battle with cancer. Our thoughts and prayers are with Colm and his children, Alex and Holly. We hope to have Colm back in studio with us soon to share his own reflections and stories. In the meantime, Rebecca, Justin, and Beatrice hold space for Anne’s memory while diving deep into the big themes of life, death, and legacy. What do we really want to be remembered for? What symbols or objects capture a life well-lived? And how do humor, tradition, and family rituals help us navigate grief? From the intimacy of Irish funerals and the surprising power of “four objects,” to parenting, sport, and even online dating honesty—this week’s conversation balances raw honesty, humor, and perspective. Expect laughter through tears, reflections on resilience, and practical insights on love, family, and finding meaning in the everyday. 👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share. The Not So Christian Brothers podcast keeps growing thanks to you—and Colm will be back with us soon. Highlights & Timestamps00:00 – Honoring Anne’s life: Justin reflects on his sister-in-law’s passing and the beauty of her send-off02:00 – The four objects tradition: What Anne’s perfume, passport, dog caricature, and favorite drink reveal about her life06:00 – Family first: Justin and Beatrice share the symbolic items they’d want at their own funerals—from blankets and dog leads to Luca’s football boots12:00 – Parenting highs and lows: Justin relives the drama of Luca’s penalty shootout—tears, pride, and heart palpitations16:00 – Health & resilience: From flow ropes and dumbbells to mouth tape, the conversation shifts to tools that anchor wellbeing18:00 – Friendship & connection: Why Justin’s Sunday sauna “mass” with friends matters just as much as family21:00 – Listener DM: A newly single dad asks what trait to look for in a midlife partner—honesty, humility, and humor take center stage26:00 – Dating stories: Beatrice and Justin share their first online dating experience (match.com in 2004!) and the lessons learned28:00 – Wrapping up: Rebecca calls out Justin’s role as an incredible brother, and the crew reflects on the strength of family through grief 👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share. The Not So Christian Brothers podcast keeps growing thanks to you—and Colm will be back with us soon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s Not So Christian Brothers Aftershow looks a little different… with Colm away and Terry missing in action, Rebecca and Beatrice take over the mic — with Justin looking on nervously in the corner. Following Beatrice’s special episode, the Aftershow dives into: 20 years of marriage — what really makes it workRespect, independence, and why couples don’t need to do everything togetherThe “mental load” and how women often carry the invisible weight at homeLetting go of perfection vs. letting resentment festerWhy laughter, communication, and even scheduled sex keep a relationship alive 💡 This one blends honesty and humour — from shoes left on the stairs to vaccum wars, household roles, and why communication beats resentment every time. ⏱️ Chapter List00:00 – Aftershow Takeover (Rebecca & Beatrice on the couch) 02:00 – 20 Years of Marriage: What’s Changed 03:42 – Respect, Independence & Still Laughing 05:00 – Who Starts the Hard Conversations? 07:38 – Letting Go vs. Resentment 09:30 – Household Roles: The Mental Load 12:21 – Running a Family Like a Business 13:39 – Style, Clean Homes & Instagram Pressure 16:07 – Shoes on the Stairs (and Why Men Don’t See Them) 18:42 – What Men Really Think About 20:52 – When Therapy Helps (and When It’s Too Late) 21:48 – Sex, Date Nights & Laughter After 20 Years Highlights“You’re not the same person you were 20 years ago — respect that evolution.”“The mental load is like running a corporation — except there’s no shares and no money.”“I used to get annoyed about the bins and the dishwasher. Now I just let it go.”“If resentment festers too long, it’s generally over.”“Laughter and respect keep a marriage alive — not the dishwasher.” #NotSoChristianBrothers #MarriagePodcast #MensMentalHealth #MarriageAfter20Years #MentalLoad #ModernMarriage #CouplesPodcast #MarriageConversations #JustinCaffrey #BeatriceCaffrey #RebeccaHoran #IrishPodcast #RelationshipPodcast #MarriageAdvice #PodcastClips Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With Colm away on personal matters and Rebecca on holiday, Beatrice Caffrey steps into the hot seat opposite her husband, Justin. What begins with playful banter about jumpers quickly dives deep into the heart of modern relationships, gender roles, grief, and rediscovering purpose. Beatrice opens up about life as a business owner, mother, and woman navigating shifting household dynamics — while Justin reflects on masculinity, vulnerability, and how grief shaped their marriage after the death of their infant son. Together, they balance candid honesty with humour, from bin duties and DIY mishaps to raw conversations about resilience, parenting, and finding meaning beyond family roles. Justin mentions Flow Rope and the magic of Lawrence Van Lingen on the pod. Find out more at @lawrencevanlingen on Instagram. Find Beatrice Caffrey on Instragram @beatrice.caffrey_ 💡 This episode blends laughter with life lessons, giving listeners rare insight into how a couple balances tradition and progress, independence and togetherness, grief and growth. 👉 Perfect for fans of relationship podcasts, men’s mental health, resilience stories, and authentic marriage conversations. Chapter List 00:00 – Santa or Papa Smurf? Lighthearted opener: Beatrice’s jumper sparks Justin’s cheeky comparisons. 03:44 – Household Roles Under the Microscope A listener asks if Justin lives up to the “modern man” image or if life at home is more traditional. 07:04 – Acceptance, Not Annoyance Beatrice explains why she no longer sweats the small stuff — from bins to dishwashers. 10:27 – Masculinity and Money Justin recalls feeling the burden of being the breadwinner and the difficulty of admitting vulnerability. 17:18 – Mental Health is Like a Fart Justin’s blunt metaphor for why emotions are “better out than in.” 20:00 – Don’t Fix Me, Just Listen Beatrice on why women often just need to be heard — and Justin’s struggle to resist fixing. 22:58 – Losing Joshua Beatrice reflects on grief, nature walks, and how she processed the death of their infant son. 26:45 – No Timeline on Grief Her honest message: “There’s no finishing line. Grief is ongoing — let it happen.” 28:56 – Rediscovering Purpose Beyond Parenting Beatrice explains how building her business gave her meaning as Luca grew older. 32:08 – Teenagers, Relevance, and Letting Go The couple discuss the grief of not being “cool” to your kids anymore. 33:19 – Like, Subscribe, Follow Beatrice learns the all-important sign-off while Justin laughs at her panic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But just when you think it’s all laughs, Rebecca shares a harrowing personal story from her holiday (Caution When Listening), witnessing a man collapse and die on the beach in front of his wife and children. The conversation turns raw, heartbreaking, and deeply human. This Aftershow is pure chaos — and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Justin, Colm, and Rebecca spiral from jokes about loose hyphens, perimenopause, and Japan’s luxury toilets into a heated debate on stingy friends, cutting people out of your life, and what sobriety really does to friendships. This is Not So Christian Brothers at its most unpredictable: equal parts comedy, confession, and confrontation with life’s fragility. If you’ve ever questioned your friendships, wrestled with cutting ties, or just needed a reminder that life can turn on a dime, this episode will hit you hard — and keep you laughing along the way. ⏱️ Chapter Timelines00:00 – Trigger Warning & Kickoff – Justin preps listeners for a tough ending00:18 – Bathroom Banter – Colm’s constant need to pee, loose hyphens & perimenopause jokes01:12 – Aftershow Madness – Names, producers, and the Gay Byrne mix-up story02:45 – Karen vs. Jessica – The evolution of cultural name-calling04:06 – Stingy Friends & Money Etiquette – When tightness tips friendships over the edge05:52 – Japan Toilet Tour – Heated passion for high-tech loos07:10 – Cutting People Out – Justin on “weeding your friendship garden”08:54 – Sobriety & Shifting Friendships – Who stays, who leaves, and why11:11 – The Judgment of Sobriety – Are sober friends secretly seen as superior?13:00 – Rebecca’s Holiday Trauma – Witnessing a sudden death on the beach17:58 – Echoes of the Past – Justin shares Beatrice’s childhood tragedy19:22 – Desensitization vs. Real Life – Why live trauma hits different than TV news20:26 – The Dark Beauty of Chaos – Reflections on fragility, privilege, and guilt21:06 – Closing Out – Gratitude, raw honesty, and a reminder to love fiercely Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.