Was I Married To A Stranger?

Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton’s lives are completely intertwined. They’ve been married for almost 20 years while collaborating on films, raising children and spending as much time together as possible. The two see the same therapist, are nearly constantly touching each other and find it hard to function when one of them is away, a dynamic they describe as codependent. Their codependency is the inspiration for their new film “Magic Hour,” which they co-wrote and which Aselton directs and stars in. For the couple, codependency has added real depth and beauty to their relationship to the point they think the entire concept needs a rebranding. In this episode of “Modern Love,” Duplass and Aselton make their case for codependency, explain what it has enabled in their lives and share what they’ve had to sacrifice to maintain it.

Lauren Bans was seven months pregnant when she realized she needed a divorce. Suddenly, she found herself heartbroken, terrified, and completely unable to make decisions or think about the future. One day, her sister suggested they visit an escape room. As the door locked and the countdown began, Bans found herself enraptured by the puzzles, forgetting her reality for a moment and feeling like herself again. She was hooked and went back to escape rooms over and over. This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Bans tells Anna Martin about her unique cure for heartbreak, and how making decisions in a fictional puzzle room helped her feel capable of making them in real life again, too.

When people stop Ramy Youssef on the street, it's usually not because they're mega-fans of his comedy. Instead, they mostly just want to pet his dog. It's not until they walk away, he says, that they recognize him from his semiautobiographical sitcom, "Ramy," or his latest special, "Ramy Youssef: In Love." In fact, Youssef’s dog, Basha, is a big part of the special and has become a major part of his life, even if he does sometimes steal the spotlight. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Youssef tells Anna Martin, our host, what he has learned about unconditional love from Basha. He reads a Modern Love essay from the archive, in which the writer describes working at an animal rescue and how watching humans in the midst of the adoption process redeemed them a little in her eyes.

Isabel Allende began writing daily letters to her mother when she was a teenager. Over the next several decades, they exchanged over 24,000 of them. Allende credits their letter writing with removing the need for small talk and creating a deep bond between them. Knowing that she had to write to her mother every day pushed her to pay attention to her life in a way that, she says, was central to her becoming a writer. Letters have been a throughline in her books as well. Allende’s best-selling novel, “The House of the Spirits,” began as a letter to her dying grandfather. “The House of the Spirits” has just been adapted into a new TV series, and the connection between mothers and daughters is central to this multigenerational saga. In this episode of “Modern Love,” Allende tells the host Anna Martin about the transformative power of letter writing on her relationships and career.

Tracy Clark-Flory was 16 when she learned something that would change her world forever: She had a half sister she’d never met. Tracy's mother, Deborah, had gotten pregnant as a freshman in college. She’d given birth to a baby girl in secret and placed the baby for adoption. Tracy could tell that talking about this baby made her mom uncomfortable, so she didn’t pry. But from that moment on, Tracy was full of questions. Where was this sister? What was her life like? Would she want to hear from Tracy if there was a way to get in touch? These days, Clark-Flory is a writer, and she is a mother herself. She has a new memoir coming out called “My Mother’s Daughter: Finding Myself in My Family’s Fractured Past.” In this episode of the “Modern Love” podcast, Clark-Flory tells Anna Martin how she finally got answers about her sister. She also shares what she found out about her mom: Turns out, there was so much more to her story, too.