Modern Love

What we learned when you sent in stories of your most romantic moments. Plus, the king and queen of valentines.

Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex. Jennette McCurdy pretty much grew up in front of an audience. In her role on the Nickelodeon show “iCarly,” she seemed like a bubbly, happy teenager. Behind the scenes, though, she was struggling. In her 2022 memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” McCurdy described her toxic and often abusive relationship with her mother, her struggles with depression and disordered eating, and the painful work she did to build herself back up. The book was a New York Times bestseller for over 80 weeks. McCurdy has a new book out, and this time, she’s written a novel. “Half His Age” tells the story of an intimate relationship between a 17-year-old girl named Waldo and her 40-year-old teacher, Mr. Korgy. This week on “Modern Love,” McCurdy explains how some of her own experiences inspired the story in “Half His Age,” and how writing the book allowed her to work through her rage, understand her desire and reclaim her power.

When Jordan Carlos looks back on the role he was playing in his family a few years ago, he does not like what he sees. He was bringing home a good salary as a comedian, but doing only the bare minimum as a husband and a dad. When Jordan did show up at home, he was more likely to take the kids out for an all-day candy binge than to take them to the dentist or to tuck them in by bedtime. But Jordan got a painful wake-up call when the pandemic hit and his work came to a halt. Home all the time, Jordan looked around and noticed that nobody seemed to need, or expect, any help from him. And his marriage was in serious trouble. This week on “Modern Love,” Jordan explains how he let things get so bad in the first place, and how day by day, chore by chore, he started to take responsibility for all the little things that actually mean a lot. Jordan’s book, “Choreplay: The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out of Your Ass,” comes out Feb. 10. Listener Callout: “Modern Love” wants to hear from you. What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo by Feb. 4, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/07/podcasts/tell-us-whats-the-most-romantic-thing-youve-ever-seen.html

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took his son on a cross-country road trip to Badlands National Park, in search of what Theodore Roosevelt called “the strenuous life.” Along the way, he found himself wrestling with what it means to be a good man, and to raise a good man. This week on “Modern Love,” Sam explains what happened, and how his son changed his own ideas about what it means to be tough. You can read Sam’s original story in The New York Times Magazine.

Belle Burden was living the kind of life most can only dream of. Born into a wealthy New York family, she married a dashing attorney who had swept her off her feet. The couple had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, three children, and what Belle thought was a happy marriage. Then, after 20 years, with no warning, her husband told her he wanted a divorce. Belle remembers him saying, “You can have custody of the kids, you can have the house and the apartment. I don't want any part of this life anymore.” In a moment, he became a stranger to her. As Belle tried to understand the disintegration of her marriage, she made a decision that surprised people close to her: she shared her story with the world. In 2023, she published a Modern Love essay about her experience. Her new book, “Strangers: a Memoir of Marriage,” reveals more of her story. On today’s episode, Belle Burden talks about the abrupt and difficult end to her marriage, and how that led her to the start of a new life.