If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead
21 January 2025 - 30 minsA parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but lately seems to have backfired because his four-year-old is now giving him ultimatums. The boy's behaviors have become more extreme, and in response the dad says he threatens unnatural consequences,...
Series Episodes
Connecting with Kids Shouldn't Be a Performance
A parent writes that her mother is constantly asking her bright 17-month-old to perform and grows frustrated when he doesn’t oblige. The truth is, we often think connecting with kids means entertaining them, getting them to laugh or, as in this grandparent's case, encouraging them to show us what they can do. Yet, real connection is much easier and more organic than that. It is about paying attention, listening, and genuinely taking in who our children are. Janet explores why asking children to perform can get in the way of deeper connection—and how doing less and trusting more can foster more authentic relationships. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at JanetLansbury.com and NoBadKidsCourse.com. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
22 mins
22 September Finished
Don’t Let School Be the End of Play
When school starts, our children’s days can quickly fill with classes, activities, homework, and screens, crowding out opportunities that are critical to their development and emotional health: play. A parent wonders whether full-time school means sacrificing the slower, more playful childhood she wants for her son. Janet reassures this parent that she can have both, explaining how we can continue to prioritize play, and why this matters. Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0karpg86 Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at JanetLansbury.com and NoBadKidsCourse.com. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
24 mins
15 September Finished
End of the Day Crazies With Kids
Many of us imagine late afternoons or evenings with our children as the perfect time to wind down and connect after a busy day. Unfortunately, this is often precisely when our children need to unload the day’s stresses. Which means that instead of enjoying restorative quality time together, we're faced with challenging behavior, high emotions, and discontent. In this encore episode, Janet unpacks some of the reasons why evenings can be so difficult for kids and what we can do to help them (and ourselves!). Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at JanetLansbury.com and NoBadKidsCourse.com. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
27 mins
8 September Finished
The Counterintuitive Fix for Meltdowns at Drop-Off (and Other Hard Feelings)
A four-year-old melting down at school drop-off... A 21-month-old who's started pulling her own hair when she's frustrated or overwhelmed... Two very different situations—but the same missing piece. Janet explains why our instinct to soothe, distract, or push past our kids' hard feelings during transitions often backfires, and why doing the opposite—openly "going there" to explore the situational discomforts kids may experience, even when we can't fix them—is what actually helps kids feel less alone and more able to move through them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
24 mins
1 September Finished
Handling Our Kids' Explosive Anger (with Loryn Brantz)
What do we do when our child erupts into a full-blown tantrum—suddenly becoming what author Loryn Brantz calls a "spicy nugget"? The award-winning author and illustrator returns to Unruffled to talk about her new children's book, "I Am a Spicy Nugget." Loryn and Janet unpack what actually happens in those moments—for the child, and for the adult trying not to make it worse—including what's happening for kids when they become overwhelmed, and why the best response may be to do less, not more, and let the storm pass. Loryn's book is inspired by her own experiences raising sometimes-spicy kids. Loryn's book "I Am a Spicy Nugget" is at: https://bit.ly/4cH7VgN Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
28 mins
25 August Finished
My Toddler Is Scared of Everything
A two-and-a-half-year-old has become increasingly anxious and fearful. She often becomes overwhelmed but can't explain what's wrong beyond saying she's scared, and she wants to be picked up or removed from the situation. Her mom wonders where comfort ends and reinforcing the fear begins: “How do we give her the comfort and security she clearly needs while helping her learn that she can feel scared and still be safe?” Janet explores what may really be going on and how parents can respond in a way that respects the feelings without exacerbating them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
32 mins
18 August Finished
